Erin’s Lived Experience Journey
Letters of Hope volunteer, Erin, courageously shares her lived experience journey and what she has learned along the way.
Please note that Erin's story touches upon mental health challenges, bullying, sexual assault, and traumatic experiences. We encourage readers to approach these stories with self-care in mind and to reach out for support if needed.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health concerns or is impacted by any of the themes outlined in this story, please consider reaching out to the following helplines and support services:
Lifeline Australia:
13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention)
Beyond Blue:
1300 22 4636 (Mental health support)
1800RESPECT:
1800 737 732 (National sexual assault, domestic, and family violence counselling service)
Kids Helpline:
1800 55 1800 (Counseling for young people aged 5-25)
Global Resources & Helplines:
checkpointorg.com/global/
Remember, reaching out for support is a courageous step, and there are professionals ready to listen and help.
When did you first notice mental health concerns were taking a toll on you?
"A lot of it is hindsight for me. I recognise a lot of things from my past and realised I tried to fix things subconsciously. For example, during high school, I would get bullied a lot by my friends, and at the same time, my parents were fighting at home all the time. I had literally nobody to talk to about how I was feeling and would often fall asleep crying.
I didn't know about depression then. I just knew that I hated life and needed to escape. At that time, there was an opportunity given to me through Rotary to go on an exchange year, and I begged my parents to let me go. I was very fortunate to be accepted into their program.
Honestly, I don't know if I could have coped another year. I told my exchange family towards the end of my year away that I didn't want to go home. I wanted to stay and had multiple panic attacks. They tried to find a way to extend my stay but had no luck. So, I changed schools when I got home and moved out as soon as I finished high school.
When I was actually able to acknowledge what was happening, I was 22 and had started noticing that I was losing track of time and moments (dissociating), feeling more depressed and irritable and anxious, as well as having flashbacks. I had been sexually assaulted by a guy I had been dating a few months earlier, but didn't recognise that it was assault until a psychologist told me.
One day, I was at my parents' house, and they came home to find me walking laps around the dining table. They were unable to stop me. I was muttering to myself and crying, just saying to make it stop. In the end, I exhausted myself. I sat down and told them what had happened. I actually wrote it down, as I was too embarrassed to voice it. Even after seeking therapy, I continued to deteriorate and isolate, and I found myself calling in sick to work more and more."
How did you respond?
"I knew what I was feeling wasn't normal, and Mum helped me book a psychologist appointment and I managed to get one the next day. I went three times a week initially. It was my first time in therapy, and we tried lots of different things such as CBT and hypnotherapy. I also saw a psychiatrist who started me on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication.
I was diagnosed with major depression, severe anxiety, and PTSD. It took a long time and a lot of therapy to begin to heal the wounds the PTSD left on me, but therapy definitely gave me the tools to help navigate my way through future obstacles. I also started work as a mental health nurse so that I could help others in need of the help I could offer from my training and experience.
I definitely believe finding a great counsellor or psychologist that you can build a great rapport with is paramount to effective healing. It took me a few psychologists to find one that I was able to relax enough with."
What would you say is the best approach to overcoming mental health challenges and to seek help?
"Trust yourself and your body. If you aren't feeling like yourself, or you are finding that you aren't enjoying things that normally give you joy and happiness, are avoiding seeing your friends and family, skipping school or work., having negative thoughts or thoughts of death and dying or thoughts that are unusual to you, I would try and talk to somebody, whether it be a friend, family member, a health care professional.
If you think it's too difficult to voice your thoughts, perhaps write it down in a letter, a story, a poem, a picture and give that to your family or someone that cares for you.
There are many online chat services available now that you can utilise where you don't need to see someone face to face as that can be daunting, and there are many 24/7 phone numbers to call as well.
I can't stress enough how helpful it was to get the negative thoughts and voices out of my head into the world. It was hard but it lifted the weight off my shoulders. It made me realise that people really did care and there was a way out of this darkness.
Even now, I'm aware when I am falling into bad habits, for example, talking more negatively, skipping work, isolating myself, and staying in bed; that's when I know it's time to see my psychologist. Ideally, it's best to see a psychologist regularly; however, sometimes that's not possible, which is why the online supports and 24/7 chat lines are so great."