Fran’s Lived Experience Journey
Letters of Hope volunteer, Fran, bravely opens up about her lived experience journey filled with challenges and resilience.
Please note that Fran's story discusses themes of abuse, trauma, and mental health. If you or someone you know is dealing with similar challenges, consider reaching out to the support services listed below:
Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention)
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 (Mental health support)
1800RESPECT: 1800 737 732 (National sexual assault, domestic, and family violence counselling service)
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800 (Counselling for young people aged 5-25)
Global Resources & Helplines: checkpointorg.com/global/
Remember, reaching out for support is a courageous step, and there are professionals ready to listen and help.
When did you first realise that your past experiences were impacting your mental health?
"I have had several times when I knew something was not quite right for me. The first time was when I was sixteen. My father had abused me before I turned 14. When I was sixteen, I still lived at home. I have a sister who is over 9 years younger than me. I had tried to keep an eye on her ever since it happened to me. When I turned sixteen, I thought that my sister went missing. I couldn't do anything and I was sure he had taken her and done something. Luckily, it turned out that she had just gone for a walk from where she was supposed to be.
I left home and didn't come back for three years. A lot happened over the years, but still I seemed to have bad reactions, but still did not put two and two together. When my husband started doing what he did to me, I had a three year old daughter and what he did to me was even for Domestic Violence, quite horrendous. I thought I was handling it well, because I kept my daughter safe.
I was married twice after that. It was not until I came to live in Tasmania when I turned fifty, that I knew my life was a mess. It had been for as long as I remember and when I thought back, it stemmed from the first incident with my father and at fifty years old, still terrified of a man I had not set eyes on in over twenty years, I had never led a normal life. When my final husband started cheating on me, I found out and went a little off the rails. I just knew that my life was never going to be without mental health issues if I did not get serious help. I had seen a psychologist after my husband put me in hospital many times, but they kept telling me I was strong and could survive anything. I believed them. It was not true."
How did you respond to this realisation?
"I was devastated to think that I had wasted my entire life. I responded by seeing another psychiatrist and it started to help. I started to write my book. I did find it was too painful and started and stopped many times over 15 years. Eventually, after nearly twenty years I finished the book.
I think what helps me more than anything to stay afloat is my dearest friend Vanessa and my sons and grandchildren. Life is hard, very hard, but I believe the more you talk about your problems, the easier it becomes to talk about your problems. I am seventy years old and I am sorry it took me so long to get so far. I refuse to allow anyone to tell me 'just to get on with it' these days. You need someone who loves you, who believes in you and will always listen. You need to remember that you are special and nobody has the right to take that from you. You need to understand that seeking help for mental health issues is not something you should be ashamed of.
I talk about my problems a lot. I use social media, my true friends and professionals. I don't care what others think of me, because it took me nearly fifty years to realise that I am worthy of anything everyone else is. Use whatever you find works for you, to keep your life a healthy one physically and mentally for you. Be proud and stand tall. The biggest thing that makes me feel that I am worthy, is the courage it takes every day to put one foot in front of the other."
Fran, you are also an author! Can you please tell us about your book?
“HIS CRIMES HER SECRETS is my truth, wrapped loosely in fiction to make it easier to read. It is not a large book or written by a famous author, but it is written to show how you can survive anything. Half of the small profit from the sales of these books are donated to The Hobart Women's Shelter. In Tasmania alone, there are thousands of women needing a place to live in safety. Please help. Purchase a book. “
You can purchase a copy of Fran’s book here.
If you or someone you know is dealing with mental health concerns or is impacted by the themes discussed in Fran's story, please consider reaching out to the helplines and support services listed above. Remember, seeking help is a courageous step, and support is available.
